It’s almost comical by this point. The way things are going, I fully expect a bird to unload it’s bowels on my head any instant. At least that washes out. With peanut butter, right?
So you may remember from my last post, that big life changes are happening. For the past few weeks I have been living in a kind of purgatory that seems like hell waiting to see what kind of job Colin will be able to pick up and where we might be able to live. He went to his boss and confronted her on the issue of why none of these schools were interested in him and why she hated him so much to give a bad review. (Yes, they can actually do that here and sadly it’s quite common.) He even begged for a 6-month contract extension but they told him they had no positions open. Just when we thought we had exhausted all of our options, he managed to have 3 different job scenarios appear out of nowhere.
One of them was an after school job that was referred to him by a friend. He made an interview, stressed himself getting there and back to work in a timely fashion and was told he had 2 possible job options.
That same day is when I posted the story An anonymous account of hump day. Well guess what? Anonymous was me. I have a coworker who has showed up late to work half-drunk on multiple occasions, failed to show up at all, and informed our boss that he is planning to resign. So, our boss asked me about Colin’s situation and asked if he would be interested in the job. Of course, I said yes.
Two days later, another fabulous co-worker of mine, came back from a trip to Malaysia. He’s a nice guy, but let’s be honest, he was not succeeding at his job. His work was late, and not up to standard. Without trying to sound like a total biznitch, I saved his ass. (I won’t bore you with the details about how I created a magical InDesign document for him but let me tell you, it was the equivalent of a gold-horned unicorn that shits rainbows.) So it was no surprise when I learned that 2 days after his return from his trip he would have to pack up his desk and leave because he failed to get his paperwork filed correctly for his visa and could no longer work legally. So, maybe I could take over his position and Colin could take mine, right?
Out of all these scenarios, the best one is the one where we get housing. You see renting a place in Seoul is not like renting a place anywhere in America. They have this ‘deposit’ called ‘key money’ which ranges anywhere from $5,000 to $25,000. The only reason Koreans can manage to shell out this kind of cash on an apartment is because they manage to save while living at home until the age of 30. Colin and I on the other hand have bills and lives. So, just based on the key money alone, getting an apartment proves to be very difficult.
To make a long story short. All of these options are gone and we are back to zero. The sure thing job fell through because the school wanted second interview and Colin couldn’t swing it because his current job has zero flexibility. The drunken asshat hasn’t found a job, nor is the company planning to relieve him of his duty anytime soon. And the other position at my office that opened up isn’t getting refilled. Doofus was so unproductive in his role that the company has decided the position isn’t necessary.
Okay, zero might be a little exaggerated. Technically, Colin put two resumes out there this week for last minute positions that opened up; but with spring vacations and still no callbacks chances are looking slim. But hey, GOOD LUCK HONEY!!!
As if things couldn’t already be worse, I get a text message from the office last night assigning me to my next substitute gig. It’s at Colin’s school. The one that ruined our lives, yes, that one. It’s for a kindergarten slot so I ask him who the heck is going on vacation the first month of the school year?? And for a MONTH?? He looks at my blankly and says, ‘Nobody. No way!’ His school, the incompetent fucks that they are managed to get a last minute Kindergarten class together but have no teacher. Instead of swallowing their pride and asking Colin if he is still interested in staying, they blow him off. They have no idea that I’m the one who will have to go in to cover their asses.
So right now I am sitting in the office staring at the drunk and the empty desk next to him conjuring up fantasies of his head exploding and my boss giving me the go-ahead to sign Colin’s new contract. I am seriously considering getting on a plane to leave today. Show my office what it really costs them to keep a stupid drunk on the payroll. Show his school what it costs them to lie and treat their teachers like shit. If you would like to donate to my “Fuck it and leave fund” please send the money to my Paypal account or forward me your travel points.