I have this friend who told me this story. . .
So, it’s not even 10 am, and I think one of my co-workers might be drunk, while another next to me is crying and a third is playing faux boss. Ok, the faux boss thing is more regular and less compelling, but I like things in threes. I think it’s good luck.
I got a call this morning from my neighbor/friend/co-worker who had just woken up 5 minutes before we have to leave for work. I admitted I was also running late. He insisted we must take a cab, so I agreed to meet him in our regular spot in 10. After getting off the phone with him, I checked the bus schedule again, and the transportation gods bestowed us with ONE more bus that would get us to work on time at the same time we agreed to meet. So as I was walking out the door I called him to suggest we meet at the bus stop instead. I called 4 times, ran up and down the street looking for him and then decided to take my chances on my own with the bus. I texted, I called, I texted. Nothing. I made it in 5 minutes late with a guilty conscious. To try and earn my friendship back, I gave him heads up via text that our boss wasn’t there, so he should sneak in and be okay.
Fast forward to 20 minutes later. My friend arrives in a boisterous huff at me for not being at the designated spot and making him even later than he should have been. Okay, I’ll take the blame, I still got to work on time. Whatever.
Then, next to me a couple co-workers continue an argument that was started yesterday and one of them starts crying. All this while my friend, who smells a lot like booze, comes over and starts asking me if I’m truly working or just ‘fussing about.’ I assured him I’m working. He wanders off back to his space where the co-worker playing boss starts to tell him what a fantastic job he is doing. Gave him some specific but canned lines about how he is really important here and that he would die without him. Then my friend gets a phone call.
Oh, did I mention I live as an ex-pat in Korea? Yeah. . .
The caller is Korean and doesn’t speak English. So my friend starts doing that thing where he talks louder, then he ridiculously starts speaking in Spanish to the guy. After he hangs up, he gets pissed and talks about how silly this person is for not speaking English to him. As a side, I hate when foreigners do this. We live in a country that speaks Korean! Why is it when we travel to these non-English speaking countries that we expect them to speak English??
Anyway, then he comes over and starts speaking Spanish to me. I answer in English and he gets bat shit cray demanding that we have a conversation in Spanish. Which he doesn’t speak that well, so the conversation is short.
The sobfest is over. The ladies have resolved their issues. Just in time for my friend to get bored with me and start harassing this poor woman that was just crying her eyes out. Who, incidentally, is our supervisor. He starts going into some long diatribe about how he feels useless. That even if someone were to offer him the job of a CEO, he would rather be an English as Second Language teacher (which is part of our job). He goes around in circles until he finally admits, out loud, that he has confused himself. He is totally drunk, right?!
I am waiting to wake up in bed and think to myself what a crazy dream this is.